<p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)"><i>Breffni Mc Guinness, Bereavement Coordinator, LauraLynn, Ireland’s Children’s Hospice.</i></span></p><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">The death of a child is one of the most difficult deaths that anyone may have to face. If it is one of our colleagues who has experienced this tragedy we can sometimes be at a loss to know how to support them.</span></p><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">While there is no easy quick fix for grief, especially when it is a child who has died, there are things that we can do as managers and colleagues and that can make a difference to the person who is grieving.</span></p><h3><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Bereavement First Aid</span></h3><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">There are three practical steps that we call Bereavement First Aid which can really help.  These are: Acknowledge, Validate and Support or AVS.</span></p><h4><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Acknowledge</span></h4><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">It is important to acknowledge what has happened and to mention the child’s name  </span></p><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">E.g. <i>“Mary, I am so sorry to hear about James”,</i> </span></p><h4><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Validate</span></h4><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Validate the experience and feelings of the person who is grieving.  A colleague who is bereaved may say that they are sad, devastated, angry, broken, in bits etc. it is important to validate these feelings by saying something like:</span></p><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">E.g.  <i>“It is totally understandable you are feeling like that given what has happened</i>”</span></p><h4><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Support</span></h4><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Offer support to your colleague who is grieving.  It is really helpful to check with the person about what might be most helpful for them.</span></p><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">E.g. <i>“I would really like to support you, what would be most helpful for you now?”</i></span></p><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Along with bereavement first aid, there are also some other things that can be helpful and some that are not so helpful.</span></p><h3><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">What is helpful:</span></h3><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Reach out, be yourself and don’t worry about being perfect. We may feel a bit uncomfortable reaching out to a colleague who is bereaved – this is normal – but it is important not to let this stop us.  The most important thing is to take the risk to engage with your colleague. </span></p><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Listen. Very often it’s hard to know what you can do for a colleague who is grieving, but one thing that really makes a difference is making time to listen to them. Just offer to chat if the person wants to - if they don’t no problem – at least they know that you care enough to check with them. If they do want to chat – just listen – and then listen a bit more.</span></p><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Your support will be required not just in the initial weeks and months but over a longer period. It takes a minimum of three years for someone to come to terms with the major aspects of the death of their child. For your colleague who is grieving, they will need your support during this time and beyond. </span></p><h3><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">What isn’t helpful: </span></h3><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Avoiding your bereaved colleague and acting as if nothing has happened – something has happened, and it is better to be open about this. </span></p><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Minimising their loss – phrases such as ‘at least you have two more children’ or ‘you can have another child’ <i>(yes – these things have been said)</i> do not help the person who is grieving. If you are not sure what to say – say nothing.</span></p><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Making a fuss – most people who are bereaved want to be treated as normally as possible at work and do not want to stand out. Be sensitive and respect their wishes. </span></p><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Expecting the person to be back to normal – people never go ‘back to normal’ because normal included their child who has died. In time they adapt to a ‘new normal’.</span></p><h3><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">For Managers</span></h3><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">If you are a manager, you have an important role to play in helping a person who is grieving the death of their child.  Communication is really important – contact the employee and ask how you can be a support to them – especially in relation to your organisation’s bereavement policy, flexibility in work arrangements, their entitlements, etc.   It is important to strike a balance between allowing the colleague who is bereaved to continue to contribute (their work may be very important to them) while also not putting them under undue pressure.</span></p><h3><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Final Note</span></h3><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">The death of a child is one of the hardest losses that an employee may have to face.  As a manager or a colleague, you can make a real difference to your bereaved colleague by reaching out with compassion and a listening ear. The three steps of Bereavement First Aid – Acknowledging, Validating and Supporting provide a simple roadmap for how you can do this. Above all, be brave, reach out and listen to your bereaved colleague rather than avoid them.  Care and compassion will go a long way. </span></p><h3><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Here is a free resource from LauraLynn:</span></h3><p><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">For those supporting a family with a child with a life-limiting illness:  </span><a href="https://www.lauralynn.ie/sites/default/files/scorm-courses/lauralynn_bereavement-support-staff/launch.html"><span style="color:hsl(0,0%,0%)">Learn how grief can affect families and how to communicate effectively with them</span></a></p>

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How to Support a Bereaved Parent at Work

<h3>The Silent Grief of Fathers</h3><p>When a baby dies, the world often looks to the mother. People ask how she is, how she’s coping, what she needs. And while her grief is immense and deserves every bit of care, it can sometimes leave dads standing quietly in the background—hurting, but unseen.</p><p>If you’re a dad who has lost a baby, please know this: your grief matters too.</p><h3>Your Loss Is Real and Heavy</h3><p>You had all the hopes and dreams. You imagined what life would be like with your child. That loss is real, and it is heavy.</p><p>Many dads feel pressure to “be strong”—to hold everything together, to take care of their partner, to sort out the practical things no one else can face. But strength doesn’t mean pushing down your pain. You are allowed to grieve in your own way.</p><h3>There’s No Right Way to Grieve</h3><p>Some dads cry. Some need to talk. Others find comfort in keeping busy or channeling their energy into something meaningful. All of this is okay. Whatever way you manage your loss—whatever works for you—is exactly how you are meant to be. There is no right or wrong way to process grief.</p><h3>Grieving Differently Doesn’t Mean Grieving Less</h3><p>We often say grief is like a rollercoaster. You may be on the same ride, but you and your partner are in different carriages. This is perfectly okay. It’s important to know that everyone grieves differently. One person may find it difficult to get out of bed, while the other goes to work and carries on as normal. This doesn’t mean they care less or feel the loss any less deeply.</p><h3>Feeling Invisible or Guilty Is Common</h3><p>You might feel invisible at times, or even guilty for the way you’re coping. Maybe people don’t ask how you are. Maybe you don’t know how to put your feelings into words. That doesn’t make your grief any less real.</p><h3>You Don’t Have to Go Through This Alone</h3><p>There is no right way to do this. You don’t have to hide, and you don’t have to go through it alone. If you can, talk to someone you trust—a friend, a family member, or another dad who has experienced loss. Sharing even a little of what you’re carrying can lift some of the weight.</p><p>There are support groups specifically for dads, and you may feel more comfortable in that space.</p><h3>Honouring Your Baby and Your Healing</h3><p>Most of all, remember this: being a grieving dad doesn’t mean being silent or strong all the time.</p><p>It means loving your baby in the only way you can now—by carrying their memory with you, by allowing yourself to feel, and by honouring your own healing too.</p><h3>You Are Not Alone</h3><p>Your grief is valid.</p><p>Your baby will always matter.</p>

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When a Baby Dies: Supporting Grieving Dads Through Loss

<h3>If You’ve Found Your Way Here</h3><p>It likely means you’ve experienced the loss of your baby—or you’re supporting someone who has. First, we want to say we are so sorry. Grief can feel overwhelming, isolating, confusing, or even numb. However you’re feeling right now is exactly how you should be feeling. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, and no single path through it.</p><p>Whether your loss was recent or still feels recent, whether it was expected or sudden, your experience matters. And while nothing can take away the pain, knowing you’re not alone can make a difference.</p><h3>In the Early Days After the Loss of Your Baby</h3><p>We are so sorry you are here under such heartbreaking circumstances. Right now, you may be trying to come to terms with the devastating loss of your baby—and that can feel overwhelming, surreal, and deeply painful. As bereaved parents ourselves, we understand just how profound and disorienting this time can be.</p><p>In the days, weeks, and months ahead, please know this: you are not alone. Support is available, and when you feel ready, we would be honoured to walk alongside you. Whether you need someone to listen, information to help you understand what you’re going through, or connection with others who have lived through similar losses—we are here.</p><p>Many parents have found comfort in meeting others who have experienced the loss of a baby. While everyone’s grief is unique, there is a quiet strength in shared understanding. Hearing how others have coped can offer small moments of hope when everything feels impossible.</p><h3>What You Might Be Feeling</h3><p>Grief affects not just the heart, but the body and mind too. In these early days, it’s common to feel physically and emotionally exhausted. You may notice:</p><ul><li>Difficulty concentrating or remembering things</li><li>A heavy feeling in your chest</li><li>Deep, sighing breaths or shortness of breath</li><li>Palpitations or “butterflies” in your stomach</li><li>Aching arms, loss of appetite, or disrupted sleep</li><li>Bad dreams or nightmares</li></ul><p>If your doctor has ruled out more serious health concerns, please be reassured that these symptoms are a natural part of grief. They may be frightening or confusing, but they are temporary and will ease in time.</p><p>Emotionally, you may move through many different feelings—shock, anger, guilt, sadness, confusion, even moments of numbness or peace. These emotions may come in waves, without warning, and in no particular order. Some days might feel more manageable; others may be incredibly hard. All of this is part of the grieving process, and everything you feel is valid.</p><h3>Gentle Advice from Other Bereaved Parents</h3><ul><li>Talk about your baby. Sharing your thoughts and feelings can help. Avoiding them can make grief feel even more isolating.</li><li>Understand that grief is individual. You and your partner may express your sorrow in very different ways—and that’s okay.</li><li>Take your time. If possible, delay big decisions like changing jobs or moving house until you feel more grounded.</li><li>Write it down. Keeping a journal can be a helpful outlet for your emotions.</li><li>Support your other children. It’s okay for them to see you feeling sad. Reassure them that they are loved, and talk to them openly about their sibling in a way that feels right for your family.</li></ul><p>Above all, be gentle with yourself. There is no “right” way to grieve. You are doing the best you can—and that is enough.</p><h3>When You’re Ready, We’re Here</h3><p>We know this journey is incredibly hard. When you feel ready, we’re here to support you in whatever way you need. Whether it’s through conversation, resources, or connection with others, you are not alone.</p>

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Navigating Baby Loss: Gentle Support for the Early Days of Grief

<p>For many parents, the first day of school, birthdays, or other milestones are filled with excitement and pride. Social media lights up with photos of smiling children in new uniforms and schoolbags, accompanied by captions full of hope for the future.</p><p>But if your baby is not here, these moments can feel like a sharp reminder of what you’re missing. Instead of joy, you may feel your grief rising to the surface again — even years after your loss. If your little one should be starting school, moving up a class, or hitting another milestone, it’s natural to feel the ache more intensely right now.</p><p>You are not alone in this. It’s important to know that it’s okay to feel the loss, no matter how long ago your baby died.</p><h3>Grief Doesn’t Follow a Timetable</h3><p>Grief doesn’t expire when the calendar moves on. Seeing other children reach milestones your child never had the chance to can reopen old wounds. Let yourself feel what you feel — whether it’s sadness, anger, envy, or longing. There’s no “wrong” way to grieve.</p><p>If social media feels overwhelming, it’s okay to step back. Unfollow, mute, or take a break from scrolling. Your wellbeing matters more than keeping up with everyone’s updates. Similarly, if community events feel too painful, give yourself permission to decline invitations or create distance.</p><h3>Creating Your Own Rituals</h3><p>Marking the milestone in your own way can bring comfort. Some parents:</p><ul><li>Light a candle</li><li>Write a letter to their child about the “first day” they never got</li><li>Donate school supplies in their memory</li><li>Visit a special place that reminds them of their baby</li></ul><p>Rituals help transform pain into remembrance and connection.</p><h3>Sharing Your Story</h3><p>Sharing your child’s name and story keeps their memory alive. If you feel able, let a trusted friend or family member know that this time of year is particularly difficult. Sometimes simply saying,</p><blockquote><p><i>“My baby should be starting school this week”</i> </p></blockquote><p>gives weight to the grief and invites compassion.</p><p>Speak to people who understand. Whether it’s a close friend, a partner, or a community of bereaved parents, having people who “get it” can make all the difference. You don’t have to explain or justify yourself to them — they already understand.</p><blockquote><p>Be Gentle With Yourself</p></blockquote><p>Grief is exhausting. You may need extra rest, quiet, or self-care during these milestones. Small acts like taking a walk, writing in a journal, or treating yourself to something comforting can help.</p><p>The ache you feel isn't a weakness — it’s love with nowhere to go. Every milestone is a reminder of the dreams you held for your child. Honouring that love is a way of honouring them.</p><h3>You Are Not Alone</h3><p>If you’re facing the “first day of school that never came,” please know that your grief is valid, your child is remembered, and your pain is seen. It’s okay to step back, to cry, to remember, and to find new ways of carrying your baby with you.</p>

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Grieving the Milestones: Coping with the First Day of School After Baby Loss

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Condolence Books - Printed and Bound

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Topic: Parental Grief