Supporting Children After a Death in a Farm Family

Understanding Grief Through a Child’s Eyes

Supporting a grieving child can feel overwhelming, especially when you consider how personal and individual grief is for each person. It may seem daunting to bring up feelings around loss, but Embrace FARM offers guidance on how to speak to your child about grief through the lens of farm life.

The death of a loved one can be a confusing, fearful, and worrying time for a child. Children learn about the world from those around them—parents, family, teachers, carers, and friends—and they turn to these trusted adults when faced with the unknown.

How Children Grieve: Age, Personality, and Understanding

Children grieve in different ways depending on their personality, age, stage of development, and how much they understand about death. Regardless of these factors, every child needs clear and honest information about what has happened—always delivered in an age-appropriate way.

Children may not appear sad all the time. They often become distracted by play, friends, and daily routines like going to school. This doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling; their grief may surface in quieter moments.

Creating Space for Questions and Emotions

After a death, it’s important to listen to your child’s thoughts and feelings and let them know it’s okay to ask questions. Answer honestly and clearly, using language they understand. These conversations help children feel included and give them space to explore their emotions.

It’s also essential to reassure them that they are not to blame. Children may worry that something they said or did caused the death, especially if there was a disagreement beforehand. Let them talk about their relationship with the person who died, whether it was close and loving or more complicated. Both types of relationships can have a significant emotional impact.

Grief Over Time: Milestones and Memories

As children grow, they may feel the loss more deeply. Milestones like birthdays, holidays, or transitions, such as moving from primary to secondary school, can bring renewed feelings of grief and longing.

Sudden Death and Its Impact on Children

When a death is sudden, there’s no chance to say goodbye. This can be shocking and traumatic for children, often leading to anger or acting out. These reactions are normal and may come and go. If your child is comfortable, include them in goodbye rituals—but never force it. Some children may find these experiences too overwhelming.

No One-Size-Fits-All Approach

There’s no universal way to support a grieving child. You’ll learn what works best as you go, trusting your instincts and leaning on bereavement support organisations like Embrace FARM, the Childhood Bereavement Network, Barnardos, or the Irish Hospice Foundation, depending on your circumstances.

New Supports for Farm Families

Embrace FARM has launched new supports for children and young adults from farm families. To explore what’s available for your child, visit: embracefarm.com/supportsforchildren