Rebuilding After Suicide Loss: Finding Hope in the Aftermath

Rebuilding After Suicide Loss

Rebuilding your life after the loss of someone close to suicide, might feel like an enormous challenge. But there is always hope. Despite all the difficult feelings and trauma – especially in the early days – we know that many people bereaved by suicide do eventually learn to embrace life again.

Always Prioritise Yourself

After someone dies, it may be that you look after everyone except yourself. Taking care of yourself should be a priority. It could just mean spending some time with friends, choosing to be alone and taking some time to yourself, or doing something nice for yourself, a treat. You may want different things on different days, but it is important to always look out for your own feelings and needs, and prioritize them.

Find a Good Listener

People who have been bereaved by suicide often say that the most helpful thing is to find someone (or more than one person) who can listen. They may not be the most obvious people; friends may not be as easy to talk to or as available as you might hope. Look out for people who will simply listen and let you ‘be you’.

Meet Others Who Have Had a Similar Loss

Some people who have been bereaved by suicide find it helps to connect with others who have been bereaved similarly. It may be helpful to connect with their feelings, and perhaps you may feel you are not alone. This could be through attending a support group or one-to-one support for people who have been bereaved by suicide.

Use Some Self-Help

Some people who are bereaved find it informative to read books on a broad range of topics, such as the psychology of suicide, the experiences of people bereaved by suicide, loss and grief. There are also many trusted online sources of information, as well as various podcasts available that may be useful for you.

For some, daily spiritual practice – including visits to the person’s grave or a place that was meaningful for them – can provide great solace. Equally, reassurance from clergy and other faith leaders may be helpful in the early days following a suicide. You might also find spiritual support in other places, or with self-care strategies such as getting gentle exercise, being in nature, or practicing relaxation, yoga or mindfulness.

Getting Through

Nobody can tell you how you should grieve; if anyone tries to do so, you can remind them that everyone grieves differently. Grieving for someone has a definite starting point but no definitive end. The truth is that you will always carry what has happened inside you.

You may find that some days all you can think about is the loss, and some days you can do some tasks or think a little about your next steps in life. You may switch between these on an hourly basis; this is natural. Sometimes it can feel as if grief takes over. But people bereaved by suicide say that one day, perhaps against expectations, you may find that there is space for something else – a plan, a hope. And one day, maybe there will be a little more space. It isn’t so much that your grief is growing smaller; it’s that your world is growing around the grief.

This article is adapted from You Are Not Alone, the national suicide bereavement support guide.

For more information from the HSE on bereavement, loss and suicide bereavement, visit www.hse.ie/grief.

From the HSE National Office for Suicide Prevention.