How to Support a Friend Who’s Grieving

When someone we love is grieving, most of us feel a bit helpless. Do you call? Do you show up? What do you say?

The truth is, you don’t need perfect words — you just need to show up. Grief is overwhelming, and your quiet presence can mean more than you realise.

Here’s how to genuinely support someone going through loss:

1. Reach Out — Even If You Don’t Know What to Say

Silence can feel like absence. A simple message like:

“There are no words. I’m thinking of you. No need to reply.”

...can be a lifeline. You don’t have to fix anything. Just show up.

2. Be Led by Them

Some want to talk. Others don’t. Some want distraction. Some want space. Follow their lead.

And if they go quiet, don’t take it personally. Keep the door gently open.

3. Offer Specific Help — Don’t Ask, Just Do

Grief makes it hard to know what to ask for. Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” try:

• “I’ll drop dinner on Wednesday.”
• “I’m free Saturday if you’d like company.”
• “Picked up a few essentials — left them on your step.”

Think beyond the basics, too. Do they need help with their outfit for the service? Want to practise their speech or eulogy? Unsure what to do at home afterward?

Offer to help clean, organise candles, arrange food, or just be there while they talk it through. These gestures aren’t small — they’re everything.

4. Check In Weeks and Months Later

Support often floods in during the first few days, then disappears. But grief doesn’t work like that.

Mark your calendar to check in a month later, and again on birthdays or anniversaries. That’s when it can feel loneliest.

5. Don’t Rush Them — or Sugar-Coat It

Grief doesn’t come with a timeline. They don’t need to feel better by a certain point or “move on” gracefully.

Sometimes, the kindest thing you can say is:

“It’s okay not to be okay.”

One friend told me, 

“Everyone kept saying time would heal — I just wanted someone to say it was shit.” 

And honestly, sometimes it just is.

Being real — and being there — is enough.

The Kind of Support That Sticks

You don’t need grand gestures. A cup of tea, a kind message, your quiet company, and a bit of realness — that’s the kind of support that sticks.