5 Mistakes to Avoid When Planning a Wake

When someone you love dies, planning a wake can feel like one more impossible task. Did they want a wake? Should it be an open or closed casket? Will it be at home or in the funeral home?

It’s worth remembering that you don’t have to have a wake at all. But if you do, it doesn’t need to be perfect. It just needs to feel personal, comforting, and manageable.

Here are five common mistakes to gently sidestep.

1. Trying to Do It All Yourself

You need space to grieve, not to stress about chairs, catering, and whether the kettle’s boiled. Accept help, even if you don’t yet know what you need. Draft in friends, lean on your funeral director, or ask someone to coordinate the house or venue so you can simply be present.

2. Misjudging the Space

Count likely visitors, even though gauging numbers is one of the hardest things to do. If the crowd is mostly older, make sure there’s enough seating.

If there’s a casket, it should be placed at an angle, giving guests the option to approach and pay their respects or not, without pressure. Avoid placing it in a way that causes bottlenecks; guests should be able to move easily in and out of the space.

3. Under- or Over-Catering

Wakes are long, emotional days. Guests will need something, but the family often forgets to eat at all.

Provide simple food for visitors, but also plan a proper meal for the immediate family that can be heated once the house is quiet. It’s a small gesture that makes a big difference.

4. Letting the Atmosphere Go Unshaped

The best wakes strike a balance; respectful, but not somber. Choose music you know they’d have loved, not what feels “funeral-ish.” Create warmth with a few candles, photos, or flowers. It doesn’t have to be fussy. It just needs to feel like them.

5. Skipping the Practical Bits

Bins, loo roll, signage, pets underfoot, coat racks — tiny things, but they’ll catch you out. Walk through the day in your head. What will people need? What will you need?

A short checklist on the fridge can save a lot of fluster. Also, don’t forget to state a finish time. It doesn’t need to be rigid, but it gives people a sense of structure and gives you permission to start winding down when you need to.

You don’t have to host a flawless event. You just need to create a space where people feel looked after, loved, and close to the person they’re saying goodbye to.