<p><i>Grief after suicide is unlike any other loss. </i></p><p>Alongside sadness and longing, it often carries feelings of guilt, shame, regret, or the haunting thought <i>“I could have done more.”</i> These emotions can feel overwhelming and isolating, making it hard to extend care and gentleness to ourselves.</p><p>One way to begin softening this pain is through self-compassion—and a gentle way to practice self-compassion is by writing a letter to yourself.</p><h3>What is Self-Compassion?</h3><p>In the aftermath of suicide loss, many people find that their inner voice becomes harsh and self-critical. Self-compassion is about meeting that inner critic with kindness instead of judgment.</p><p>Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in this field, describes self-compassion as the intersection of mindfulness, kindness, and common humanity:</p><ul><li>Mindfulness: Recognising and naming painful emotions without being consumed by them.</li><li>Kindness: Speaking to yourself with gentleness, especially when guilt or shame feels heavy.</li><li>Common Humanity: Remembering that suffering is a shared human experience—many others who have been bereaved by suicide carry these same feelings. You are not alone.</li></ul><p>This way of relating to yourself does not deny grief—it simply creates space to carry it with less self-blame and more care.</p><h3>Why Write a Self-Compassionate Letter?</h3><p>When someone dies by suicide, self-blame can feel like an endless echo: <i>“Why didn’t I see the signs?” “I should have done more.”</i> Writing a letter to yourself as if you were a dear friend allows you to respond to those painful thoughts with compassion.</p><p>A self-compassionate letter can:</p><ul><li>Help soften guilt and shame by offering gentle, understanding words.</li><li>Remind you that suicide is never the fault of one person.</li><li>Provide comfort in moments when the inner critic feels loudest.</li></ul><h3>How to Begin</h3><ul><li>Find a quiet space where you feel safe.</li><li>Imagine you are writing to a close friend who has been through what you are facing. What words of kindness and reassurance would you offer them?</li><li>Begin your letter with warmth, such as <i>“Dear [your name], I know this is an unbearably hard time…”</i></li><li>Write as if you were holding yourself with care, recognising the pain of your loss but also affirming that you are doing the best you can in impossible circumstances.</li></ul><p>Suicide grief can feel unbearably heavy, but self-compassion offers a gentle light. By writing to yourself with understanding, you create a safe space where guilt and shame can soften—and where love, memory, and healing can slowly take root.</p><p>You are worthy of the same kindness you would offer to someone else who is grieving. </p><p><i>Visit </i><a href="https://hugg.ie/find-support-after-a-suicide/ "><i>HUGG.ie</i></a><i> for support. </i></p>

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Building Self-Compassion After Suicide Loss: A Gentle Guide to Letter Writing

<p>Grief comes in many forms, and every loss is deeply personal. Yet sometimes, the world around us does not acknowledge our pain. This is called disenfranchised grief — a natural emotional response to loss that is not openly accepted or recognised by others. For those experiencing it, the silence or dismissal can be just as painful as the loss itself.</p><h3>What is Disenfranchised Grief?</h3><p>The term was first defined by grief expert Dr. Kenneth Doka in 1989: <i>“Disenfranchised grief refers to a loss that’s not openly acknowledged, socially mourned, or publicly supported.”</i></p><p>This type of grief often arises when:</p><ol><li>The loss is not considered “important enough” by others.</li><li>The type of loss is stigmatised.</li><li>Some people are seen as not “entitled” to grieve.</li><li>The circumstances of the death are denied.</li><li>The way someone expresses their grief is judged.</li></ol><p>Think of moments when someone says, <i>“I was only their friend,”</i> or <i>“We were divorced, so I shouldn’t feel this upset.”</i> These are powerful examples of how people can minimise their own grief because they feel it doesn’t “count.”</p><p>But here’s the truth: <strong>all grief is valid.</strong></p><h3>Why it Matters</h3><p>When grief is not recognised, it can leave the mourner feeling isolated, unwelcome, or even ashamed of their pain. This can make the grieving process longer and more complicated.</p><p>For those bereaved by suicide, disenfranchised grief can feel especially heavy. Because suicide carries stigma, some may feel that others see their loved one’s death as “less worthy” of sympathy, or that they themselves are “less entitled” to grieve. Whether real or imagined, these feelings can prevent people from seeking the support they need — leaving them to carry their grief alone.</p><p>As one bereaved person shared:</p><blockquote><p><br /><i>“When I lost my friend to suicide, people said, ‘But you weren’t family.’ It made me feel like my grief didn’t matter. But it mattered deeply — it still does.”</i></p></blockquote><h3>Finding a Way Forward</h3><p>If you recognise yourself in this type of grief, know that you are not alone — and your feelings are valid. Some steps that may help include:</p><ul><li>Communicate your needs: Let family and friends know what kind of support helps you most. Often, people want to help but feel unsure of what to say or do.</li><li>Seek safe spaces: A support group can offer relief, connection, and validation by bringing together others who truly understand.</li><li>Professional support: Speaking with a grief therapist can provide guidance in processing difficult emotions.</li><li>Stay connected: Whatever you choose, try not to isolate yourself. Reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness.</li></ul><p>Grief does not need permission to exist — and neither do you. Every relationship, every bond, and every loss is worthy of being honoured. If you are experiencing disenfranchised grief, know that your pain is real, your love is real, and you are deserving of support and compassion.</p><p>For free, peer-led support after suicide loss, visit <a href="https://hugg.ie/find-support-after-a-suicide/ ">HUGG.ie</a>. </p>

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When Grief Goes Unrecognised: Understanding Disenfranchised Grief

<p><i>Grief after suicide can feel overwhelming, isolating, and incredibly heavy. </i></p><p>For many, the fear of stigma or misunderstanding makes it difficult to speak openly about their loss. Elaine’s journey shows how finding a compassionate community can provide relief, connection, and hope—even in the darkest moments.</p><h3>Finding a Place to Breathe</h3><p>After the death of her son Dan, Elaine struggled with intense emotions and the weight of silence. Speaking openly about her grief brought immense relief. She describes the peer support she received from HUGG as, in her words, <i>“life-saving.”</i></p><p>Being with people who truly understood her unique pain gave her the space to breathe for the first time. Elaine’s experience highlights a vital truth for those bereaved by suicide: finding a community that offers empathy and understanding can be a lifeline.</p><p>“It was the first place I felt I could just breathe and be myself,” Elaine says.</p><h3>Postvention is Prevention: Acknowledging Suicidal Thoughts</h3><p>Elaine also highlights a rarely spoken reality: people bereaved by suicide may experience suicidal thoughts themselves. Addressing this openly is crucial. Being able to discuss these feelings in a safe, supportive environment can be life-saving.</p><p><a href="https://hugg.ie/">HUGG</a> provides such a space, where difficult conversations can happen without judgment, allowing bereaved individuals to feel seen, understood, and supported. Elaine emphasizes that knowing you are not alone in these thoughts is a critical step toward healing.</p><h3>From Grieving Mother to Group Facilitator</h3><p>Elaine’s journey has evolved from seeking support to offering it. She now facilitates a suicide bereavement support group and finds that volunteering gives her energy, sustains her, and deepens her connection to her own grief.</p><p>“I often wonder what people did before HUGG existed,” she reflects.</p><p>Her work allows her to help others navigate their grief while honoring Dan’s memory. Through sharing her experience, Elaine extends a hand to countless others, inviting them into a conversation that fosters understanding, hope, and human connection.</p><h3>A Closing Thought</h3><p>Elaine’s story reminds us that healing after suicide loss is possible, and that compassionate community can make an enormous difference. If you are grieving, you are not alone. HUGG offers peer-led support groups and resources to help you navigate your grief and find connection. Reaching out—even in small steps—can be life-saving.</p>

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Life-Saving Support After Suicide Loss: Elaine’s Story

<p><i>Grief after suicide is profound and often bewildering. </i></p><p>For many men, it can be uniquely challenging because of social expectations about being “strong,” private, or self-reliant. When grief is pushed inward, pain can feel even heavier. This piece explores why men’s grief may look different, how that’s perfectly valid, and the supports that can help when the road feels long.</p><h3>Why Men’s Grief Can Look Different</h3><p>Men are often discouraged, either explicitly or implicitly, from showing vulnerability. As a result, many cope by withdrawing, keeping busy, or trying to "get on with it." This can lead to a painful mix of isolation and guilt.</p><p>In <i>AfterWords</i>, a survey of people bereaved by suicide in Ireland, 65% of men reported mental health difficulties after the loss. Forty percent used alcohol to cope. Thirty-three percent experienced problems in family relationships. Twenty-eight percent said their physical health deteriorated. These figures highlight the need for timely, tailored support, along with compassion for ourselves and each other.</p><h3>Different Grieving Styles (All Valid)</h3><p>Grief is not one-size-fits-all. Many men lean toward instrumental grieving, which means processing through thinking and doing rather than expressing visible emotion. Others are intuitive grievers, and many move between styles over time.</p><p>Returning to work, playing sport, or tackling projects is not a sign of avoiding grief. These actions can be genuine ways of carrying both love and pain. What matters most is whether your way of grieving helps you feel supported and connected.</p><h3>What Can Help</h3><p>There is no single right strategy. Try a few approaches and notice what supports you best:</p><ul><li><strong>Move your body. </strong>Walks, gym sessions, solo or team sports — physical activity can lift your mood and help regulate your nervous system.</li><li><strong>Peer connection. </strong>Men’s or mixed bereavement groups, including suicide-specific peer support, can normalise feelings and offer practical coping tools.</li><li><strong>Professional support. </strong>A counsellor or psychotherapist with experience in suicide bereavement can help with complex emotions, trauma, and guilt.</li><li><strong>Create and make.</strong> Journaling, music, woodworking, gardening — expressing grief through action can be deeply grounding.</li><li><strong>Mindfulness and breath. </strong>Simple practices can help you ride emotional waves without being overwhelmed.</li></ul><p>However you grieve, your love is real, and so is your loss. You do not have to go through this alone. Reaching out for connection is an act of strength, not a failure of it. If you have been bereaved by suicide and would value peer support or a listening ear, <a href="https://hugg.ie/">HUGG </a>is here to walk alongside you.</p><p><i>AfterWords: A survey of people bereaved by suicide in Ireland. O'Connell S, Tuomey F, O'Brien C, Daly C, Ruane-McAteer E, Khan A, McDonnell L, Arensman E, Andriessen K, Grennan A, Griffin E (2022)</i></p>

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Understanding Men’s Grief After Suicide

<p><i>Grief after suicide can be isolating, heavy, and full of questions that seem impossible to answer. </i></p><p>For many, the fear of judgment or misunderstanding keeps them from speaking about their loss. Clive’s story shows the transformative power of breaking that silence and seeking support. It reminds us that connection can be a lifeline through the darkest days.</p><h3>Living in Silence</h3><p>For 15 years, Clive carried the weight of his father’s suicide quietly. The grief was intense, but there was no space where he felt safe to share it. “It was the first time in 15 years that I said, ‘my dad died by suicide,’” Clive recalls. This simple act of naming the loss marked the start of a new chapter. It was a first step toward healing.</p><p>Silence is common among those bereaved by suicide. Many feel shame, fear stigma, or worry that their grief won’t be understood. For Clive, speaking about his loss, even after so many years, brought relief and the beginning of emotional clarity.</p><h3>Finding Support and Understanding</h3><p>Clive found a sense of community at HUGG, where he met others who truly understood the complex emotions of suicide bereavement. Through peer support groups, he discovered that sharing stories, listening to others, and being heard can provide immense comfort. “Knowing I wasn’t alone made all the difference,” Clive says.</p><p>Support networks like this create a safe space to express grief without judgment. The shared understanding helps to validate feelings and reduce isolation. This allows healing to slowly unfold.</p><h3>From Participant to Volunteer</h3><p>The support Clive received inspired him to give back. He now facilitates a HUGG support group in Smithfield, helping others navigate their grief and find reassurance in community. By sharing his own journey, he offers hope, connection, and understanding to those who are struggling.</p><p>Clive’s story is a reminder that grief does not need to be carried in silence. Whether through peer support, listening, or offering comfort to others, every shared experience has the power to break isolation and nurture healing.</p><h3>You Are Not Alone</h3><p>Breaking the silence after suicide loss is not always easy, but it can be a profoundly healing step. You are not alone in your grief, and support is available. HUGG offers peer-led support groups and resources for anyone bereaved by suicide. Reaching out, sharing your story, or simply listening to others can help you find connection and hope on your journey.</p>

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Breaking the Silence After Suicide Loss: Clive’s Journey

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